You done having Kids?

Hello Everybody,

On an article from Cafemom.com, a woman (in her opinon) talks about how rude it is to ask a mother if she is done with kids. Keep in mind that the woman has four boys and one girl, which is five kids. (yes, that did sound a bit rude but stay with me.) At first I was agreeing with the woman, but then I got to thinking. Would I really be upset? To be honest, I don’t really know.

What Number is Large? – To me, I want to have as much kids as I can possibly afford. By affording, I don’t mean just Money. We all know that raising kids can make a dent in our financials, but I’m also talking about time and energy. I only have my son at the moment, but I honestly think I can only handle two kids if life allowed it. I am constantly doing activities with my son to try and get him to communicate more, but if I were to introduce another child into our family; my time with my son is going to be shared with his sibling. I applaud mothers who can handle multiple kids, and I may be a multi tasker, but I cannot see myself with more than 3 kids.

In the article, the mother obviously is upset. It could be because she thinks people have this stereotype in their mind of “Wow! That’s a lot of kids! You need to stop giving birth” or maybe “Oh, you’re done because you have both genders.” Didn’t the Duggars announce they were having a 20th child? How many kids is too many kids? I tell you what, I know twenty kids is too much for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have twenty kids. Could I ever afford it? No. I know I could never have the mental capacity to take care of twenty kids. More power to Michelle Duggar. It’s a personal choice.

Is it rude to ask? – Of course this section is going to be based on my opinion. I believe it’s all based on context. I am guilty of asking other mothers if they were done having kids. Did I mean it as a rude remark? I didn’t think it was. I have met some people who have responded “Oh yeah, I’m done with kids.” Then next thing I know, they are pregnant with another kid! When I ask someone if they are done having kids, I mean it in a nice way. More like “Do you want to have another?” or “Do you think you will have another in the future?” If I had five kids, and some family member came up and said “oh my gosh! Are you done with kids yet?” Then I would be upset. Just the simple “yet” added onto that question makes it sound rude of people to ask.

_END

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2 Comments on "You done having Kids?"

  1. Erinys November 18, 2011 at 1:29 PM - Reply

    I think it’s a touchy subject.

    I think (at least in my country) people would maybe assume it was a roundabout way of criticising them, maybe implying they were taking too much in the way of state handouts to feed said children or maybe suggesting that they couldn’t provide a proper standard of care.

    But then I get asked all the time when I’m going to start having children which I find equally annoying. Which is why I tend to stay away from this kind of subject even amongst my closest friends and female relations. It’s great if people volunteer the information but I’m not going to push.

    It’s weird when you think about it though, my Mother is one of five children and my Mother in Law one of seven and both their families were deemed fairly small when they were growing up (which isn’t that long ago). How things have changed.

  2. Aidrana November 20, 2011 at 4:53 PM - Reply

    Hi Mia:

    Not to hijack this topic, but bear with me. I don’t have kids and have been single for a while (2 years!). I’m one of the few people in my social circle that doesn’t have kids. “Are you done having kids YET?” is just as rude as, “So, when are you gonna have kids? Get married?”

    I think, “Wow, mind your own damn business,” and grin, “I don’t know. Someday!”

    I know someone who wants a big family and already has four kids, and I support her for what she wants to do. This is because she is financially secure and emotionally stable- a good mother. I love going to her house and playing with her kids while I visit with her.

    I also know someone who has nine kids. But she is on welfare and very obviously cannot take care of her kids. I can’t support that, because I believe that if you can’t look after a child, you should wait until you are able to. I grew up being an only child with a single mother who got pregnant with me in high school. She had to drop out to have me, and we lived on welfare for years while she struggled to work nights and go to school to get her high school diploma. So I do know how hard it is, but having nine kids when you’re on welfare is a bit excessive. It also screams out that having kids is also a way to get more child support money from the government. I honestly don’t like it when people have children to get more money, and am opposed to that.

    I still keep my mouth shut though, because it’s still her choice to do that.

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